


Don't Leave Me

by NeonDomino



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Hogwarts Hospital Wing, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Werewolf Mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25201855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDomino/pseuds/NeonDomino
Summary: After a bad transformation, Remus finds himself on the verge of death. Thankfully Padfoot and Prongs were there to stop Moony from ripping himself apart. Though a letter reveals the extent of Remus' feelings for Sirius and the admission that Remus knew what was going to happen that full moon. Sirius hopes Remus will wake up so they can fix everything.
Relationships: Hope Lupin/Lyall Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 122





	Don't Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written 2014

* * *

"Sirius, promise me something?" Remus asked.

"Anything, Remus," Sirius replied, looking up at the suddenly-serious-looking boy.

Remus' eyes shifted away for a moment, before meeting his again. "If, for whatever reason, one month I don't survive my transformation, you won't forget about me?"

"That's not going to happen, you're going to survive them all," Sirius said through a mouthful of birthday cake.

"But if it ever happened, you promise you'll be happy, right? You won't forget about me?"

"Moony, we're never going to have to worry about this, but yeah. I promise," Sirius said. This was just like Remus when he had something to drink. He was either really happy, or extremely sad and morbid, talking about death and stuff.

Sirius watched Remus finish the last bite of his birthday cake, and he grabbed the stuff off his bed, and shoved it in a pile by the door. The house elves would collect it in the morning. When he turned back around, Remus was pulling out some parchment.

"Bit late to be writing?" he commented.

Remus gave a small smile. "It's the perfect time, Sirius," he said softly, his tone sending shivers down Sirius' back. "I'll go to sleep soon, I promise."

"Goodnight, Remus."

"Goodnight, Sirius."

* * *

It was the worst transformation Remus had ever had. Sirius didn't know what to do with himself. He had spent the night watching in horror as the Wolf tore at himself, ripping his body to shreds. The trio had run around, trying their best to keep the Wolf distracted, trying to gain its focus, but to no avail. It got to the point where they were knocking into the Wolf to make him angry enough to draw his attention away from himself and onto them, because there was so much blood already.

The most they succeeded in doing was stopping the Wolf from killing himself, until finally the time came for Remus to start transforming back. It was now safe to open the trapdoor back up and send Peter to get help.

Peter was sent to get Madam Pomfrey under the ruse that they had come to check on him first thing, knowing that there was something wrong. Closing the trapdoor behind him, the boys rushed back into the room to make sure Remus was still breathing.

He was, but it was shallow, painful, even. The blood pooling under his body, made Sirius stumble as he moved closer.

"Remus, can you hear us? Madam Pomfrey will be here soon, Peter's just gone to get her. Wait, James, why don't you send a Patronus?" Sirius knew at that moment, looking at Remus, who was so close to death, that he wouldn't be able to think of anything happy enough to produce more than a wisp of smoke. How can anyone feel happy when looking at the most important person in their life in a state like that?

But James – James could think of Lily kicking him the day before, and still manage to produce one.

Sirius threw himself onto the floor next to Remus, as the stag went running from the room. He didn't know where to start, his hand stroking the sandy blond hair that he had always dreamed of touching in an intimate way. But this, he hoped that it somehow comforted Remus to know that his friends were there with him just in case...

"Help me, James, heal him," Sirius demanded, looking at the puddle of blood that was soaking through the knees of his trousers. He didn't care about his trousers, the only thing that mattered was Remus.

"Stop the bleeding first," James muttered to himself as he cast the spell. Sirius followed him, cleaning the wounds as best he could, closing up what he could. He knew that potions were needed, but every little bit helped in healing Remus. They had to keep him alive, he couldn't lose his Remus.

"Remus, can you hear me? I need you to answer. I need to know you're okay?" Sirius begged.

"Remus, just one word," James asked nervously, watching the door, hoping that they were close.

"Sirius..." came a whisper. "Ja..." Remus' eyes opened slightly.

"James is here, I'm here. You're going to be okay, just stay awake, please," Sirius asked, his hand running through Remus' hair again. Remus was awake and that was a good sign. "Hold on, okay. We're here." As much as he longed to cling to Remus, to hold him, Sirius was too scared to move Remus in case he made things worse.

"What happened, Remus. What caused this? Did someone hurt you?" James asked, wanting answers to why the wolf had been so violent.

"Because if they did, we'll kill them," Sirius whispered. "I swear, whoever caused this will suffer for hours as I torture them."

"No," Remus whispered, his eyes trying to stay open. He seemed to be drawing all his energy together, as he reached his arm up to Sirius' face. Sirius leaned in closer, so that their faces were almost touching.

"I love you, Sirius," he whispered, letting his lips brush Sirius', before his eyes fluttered closed again.

"No, wake up, wake up," Sirius demanded jumping up. "You can't tell me that, and then just think you're allowed to die. You can't make that sound like a goodbye. That's not going to be a goodbye." He swiped the tears away angrily. "I won't let it be. We're not going to wait any longer, we're getting you out of here now." His eyes fell on James, who started transfiguring Remus' blanket into a stretcher, as Sirius pulled off his robes, leaving him in jeans and a t-shirt, and threw the robe over Remus.

Sirius cast a disillusionment charm, and went to lift the stretcher. His hand shook as he pointed it and he felt like he couldn't breathe. How could he save Remus if he couldn't even get him out of there? He knew he was failing Remus somehow and he looked at James. "Help me."

"Best I do it, mate, my hand's more steady," James stated, as he carefully lifted the stretcher himself, and moved it. Sirius rushing ahead to make sure that Madam Pomfrey was on her way. It was the only thing he could actually be useful at.

They reached the end of the tunnel and Sirius pushed the knot, causing the tree to freeze. He ignored the fact that he was covered in Remus' blood, and he crouched by the knot, waiting for James to get the stretcher away, before going himself.

As they got away from the tree, they saw Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey rushing across the grounds, with Peter trailing behind.

"I think he's dead," Sirius told them, panicking, and the women shared a worried look. Madam Pomfrey ran alongside the stretcher, as it progressed toward the Castle, her wand out.

"No, he's still breathing," she said, and Sirius and James both exhaled in relief.

They rushed to the Hospital Wing, and Professor McGonagall pushed Sirius in. "Mr Potter, I suggest you get upstairs and get Mr Black some clothes that aren't drenched in blood," she demanded. "Mr Pettigrew, you should accompany him."

She turned back, as Sirius stood in shock, watching Remus being healed, and blood-replenishing potions being poured down his throat. He wasn't moving, his head rolling back as the pair held the back of his neck trying to get his mouth open for the potion. Couldn't they be more gentle with him?

"Can I help?" He asked, looking quite pale.

Professor McGonagall glanced at Madam Pomfrey. "I have to go and get the Lupins," she said, turning her attention back to Sirius. "Wait here." She gestured to a bed facing where Remus was laying.

Sirius sat in silence on the end of the bed, just watching Remus being healed, just desperate to hold Remus' hand in his own. He could help. Somehow. Remus needed him.

Remus was in love with him.

Remus. His Remus was in love with him. Sweet, shy Remus. What did he do to deserve Remus' love? Whatever it was, he needed to find out so he could keep doing it. Maybe if he showed Remus his own love, the happiness would counter all the sadness that caused the Wolf felt when tearing him apart.

Would Remus have even told him, if he wasn't so close to death? If he had, Sirius could have told him that he loved him too. Remus had never given any indication that he felt anything for any males before. But then again, neither had he.

It wasn't long before Professor McGonagall returned with a dishevelled looking couple who had clearly gotten dressed in a hurry, and Mrs Lupin was still wearing her slippers with her clothes.

They were led over to the bed, where Madam Pomfrey was casting spell after spell on Remus, and didn't even acknowledge them for fear of breaking concentration. Hope's gaze fell on the boy staring at Remus from the bed facing, and she went even paler, looking at Minerva.

Minerva led them over.

"Hope, John, this is Sirius Black."

They looked at him. "Yes, Remus has mentioned you. This might have come as a shock that Remus is a Werewolf, but I assure you, he's still the same –" John started, looking concerned.

"We've known for years," Sirius said, not taking his eyes off Remus. "I would say it's nice to meet you both, but considering why you're here... It would have been better if it were during the holidays when Remus wasn't..." he trailed off, looking pained.

Hope looked over his clothes.

"You're covered in blood."

Sirius looked down, and realised just how much blood was on him. Considering that he had knelt in a puddle of blood, leaning over Remus, it was no surprise that it was all up his trousers, on his sleeves, even on his shirt.

"It's Remus'. We got there and stopped the bleeding, there was so much blood," he whispered, shaking slightly as he thought back to that moment in the Willow. He glanced down at his hands which were covered in blood, and couldn't tear his eyes away. "He's going to die isn't he?" Sirius whispered, his voice cracking, tears threatening to escape from his eyes.

"Sirius, look at me," Professor McGonagall demanded, and he finally moved his eyes from his hands, only to find a potion forced into his mouth. He reached up to push her arm away, but as he started to swallow the potion, he felt slightly more relaxed.

"Calming drought," she answered the unasked question. "Now, Sirius, James and Peter are here, so I suggest you go down to breakfast, and –"

"I'm not going anywhere," he interrupted, his gaze falling on the bed again, where his friend was looking so small and fragile. He just wanted to go over there, wrap his arms around him and protect him from the world, keep him safe, and never let him end up like this again. "I need to be here when he wakes up. He'll want to see me."

James handed him the clothes, and he moved to the next bed, pulling the curtains and quickly changing. He returned, and cast a cleaning spell on the spot he had sat in, as there were blood stains. James took his arm, leading him to the bathroom, telling him to wash his hands in the sink, before he took his spot back on the bed.

Madame Pomfrey chose that moment to step back, and look over at the Lupins. Suddenly, Sirius was out of his seat, and James grabbed his arm.

"Let me go and see him," he demanded, trying to pull his arm free.

"Sirius, don't you think his parents want to find out if –"

"But, I didn't get to say it back, what if he dies? It's my fault. I should have known he was upset, I should have been a better friend, I need to make sure he's okay." Peter had grabbed Sirius' other arm, and they were trying to push him back towards the bed, because clearly one calming potion wasn't enough.

"James, please," he whispered.

Hope nodded. "Sirius, come and sit with us here," she offered, noticing the tears and the desperate look in his eyes. "All of you."

James and Peter let go, as Sirius rushed to Remus' side, and grabbed his hand.

"Sirius, is there something we should know about you and our son?" she asked gently.

Sirius hesitated for a moment, his eyes finding Hope's.

"It's okay, we won't be upset with either of you, we just would like the truth," she said softly. "You seem very... very attached to him."

"Before he... when we got there, before he fell unconscious, he told me he... and I didn't get to tell him it too. He only said it because he was going to die. Maybe he didn't even mean it."

"Tell him what?" John asked the upset boy.

"He said he loves me and I never knew," Sirius whispered, tears streaming down his face. "Is he going to wake up – is he going to be okay?" he asked, looking around for Madam Pomfrey.

"He will be, just give him a few days. After all the spells I've cast, I want to give him time to heal, instead of forcing him to wake up. It's a surprise he didn't kill himself.

John didn't miss the look that Sirius and James shared at this.

* * *

Once he was satisfied, he turned back to James and Peter. "I'm going to stay here until he wakes up, you might as well..."

"Sirius, we have something to show you. It's urgent," James said. "About Remus."

Sirius moved over to them, and they went to the bed furthest away, in case anyone was lingering in the hallway.

"We each had a note left on our bed. This was on yours," James said, passing over a letter which Sirius quickly ripped open.

_'Sirius._

_You promised me you'd never forget me, and you'd live a happy life, and I hope you stick to your promises. I'm sorry I won't be around anymore, but I knew this day would come._

_This morning when I woke up, I saw James, Peter and then I saw you. I really saw you. It was like a shining moment where a crush I had for you had intensified so much that I couldn't breathe. I knew I couldn't exist without you._

_That was my curse, I'm afraid. You see, today is my seventeenth birthday, I'm writing this now because you've passed out after finishing the chocolate cake with me (lightweight). Us Werewolves, once we meet our mate, we're like a bomb, about to explode on the next full moon._

_The moment my eyes locked onto you first thing this morning, I knew my Wolf had chosen you as my mate, and I knew my fate was sealed. I knew I had very little time left with you all, before everything ended for me._

_Because of everything my curse has done so far, it has chosen me a mate who is not able to return my feelings._

_I just want you to know, no matter what, that even before my Wolf chose you, I chose you first. I had already started falling for you; Moony agreed. I think that's the first time me and him have been in agreement with each other._

_I have no other choice now, when I walk into the Shack tomorrow night, I won't be coming out again, alive. I have prepared for this ever since I was eleven and read about it in the library._

_Just promise you won't ever forget me, because for the last few years, every single one of my best memories have involved my three best friends. My Patronus is cast when thinking about you. My Boggart is you not wanting to know me anymore, or your dead body._

_I hope one day you will forgive me for not telling you what was about to happen. I have to now try and convince you all not to accompany me this full moon, because I don't want you to see me rip myself apart. I won't feel the pain, because it'll be the Wolf, when I transform back, I should already be dead. It'll be just like falling asleep – a painful transforming-into-a-Werewolf sort of sleep. I'm terrified, but I'm prepared._

_I'm sorry I won't be able to give you a chance to say goodbye. Don't ever forget me._

_Forever yours,_

_Remus.'_

Sirius pushed the letter into his pocket and sunk to the floor.

"So he went there expecting to die?" he whispered. "We stopped him killing himself, by intervening, but he'll just do it next month. Basically our choices are his death or being with me?"

"You can't force yourself to change, mate," James said, uncertain about how to handle the situation.

"It won't be changing, I've been with blokes before, I just never thought Remus..."

"Wait, you've been with blokes?" James said, in shock.

Sirius nodded. "If he dies it's all my fault. I could have told him that I like both," he whispered. "I could have told him I had feelings for him, and then he wouldn't have –"

"You have feelings for Remus? Okay, that helps because... yeah, but we both know he still would have done this, you know how he sees himself. Remus doesn't realise what a great person he is, and maybe having you would make him realise that."

* * *

It was four days before Remus opened his eyes, horrified that he had lived through the transformation. He looked around to find his mother asleep on Sirius' shoulder. The chairs had been turned into a sofa. Sirius had an arm around her shoulder.

His eyes moved to Sirius' face, and he felt cold as he saw silver looking back at him. Silver and red to be precise, as Sirius had spent a lot of sleepless nights with Remus, unable to rest just in case Remus got worse somehow.

Sirius was going to hate him. Sirius must have seen the letter at some point, and he would hate him. Why did they have to save him, just for him to go through it all again next month?

Sirius carefully rearranged Hope on the sofa, so that she was still asleep, but not leaning on him, and he moved to the bed.

"If you ever scare me like that again," he started, shaking his head. "I love you, you prat. What would I have done without you?"

Remus stared at him, as he pulled back the covers and carefully enlarged the bed, allowing him space to climb in next to Remus.

"Your parents have invited me to stay with you lot when school finishes," Sirius told him. "They took this whole us being mates thing pretty well. They said, _"welcome to the family"_. It's nice to have a family. They've really taken to me, I think."

There was silence as Remus stared at him.

"Which is good, I mean, I wasn't very polite or talkative the first time I met them, plus I was absolutely drenched in your blood, and I kept being forced to take calming potions, but I think they could understand that."

Remus gave a slight nod.

"Can you even talk?" Sirius asked.

"I'm sorry," Remus finally whispered, his throat aching. "I'm so sorry." There were tears in his eyes, which Sirius gently reached over to brush away.

"Shhh, love," Sirius replied, pressing his lips against Remus' briefly. "You're alive, and we're together, and that's all that matters."

"Together?" Remus repeated.

"Forever," Sirius promised, before meeting Remus' lips again for another kiss. "Now get some rest. Later you can tell me how we do whatever bonding thing we need to do. There's a lot to talk about, but I'm not going to ever leave you, okay."

Remus smiles tiredly at him. "Okay."

* * *


End file.
